A Jaffna Marriage Story, Jam-Fruit-Tree-style

Thoughts Apr 27, 2021

During the war, many Tamils escaped abroad. Several from my family. Usually boys of age around 20-25. They get in as refugees, work and send money home here.

So, in their 28-30, when they settle and get refugee PR, they have gotta get married, right? You cant move easily back and forth. And tickets are expensive. So the standard procedure was this:

The family of the boy will find a girl of the same caste and good horoscope. Often, the boy doesn't even get to look at her picture. They arrange the marriage here. During the reception, the boy's mom wears the ring to the girl and forges her son's signature. Marriage is done! They send the girl abroad to live happily ever after with the boy, mostly on a fake passport / as a PR wife.

This was a widespread practice. Now, the best part

Remember, these girls have never talked to their guys, probably never talked to any guy. Now, they have a lot of money and jewelry packed and are terrified of living alone abroad. So, naturally, many of them elope on the way. I mean, prior to the flight, they stay at a hotel in Colombo (with a family member), right? They run with the charming hotel guy. Which was also quite common.

So, when my uncle (mom's 2nd cousin, Canada) was at the right age, he told my mom:

"You find a girl for me. I don't even want to see her. But don't send her like this. I'll come there, marry her and take her here. Else she might run away with someone on the way"